Choose Happiness

A year ago I was stressed out all the time. I worked most of the time. When I wasn’t working, I was thinking or dreaming of work. I woke up every single night from work nightmares. My work defined me.

One year ago this month, everything changed. Life as I knew it stopped that day and my new life began.

Earlier this year I wrote a blog Reflections on Courage and Perspective, which detailed my recent surgery and my perspectives around that.

This should have been one of the hardest years of my life. In the past 12 months, not only did I learn of the Cancer gene, have a double mastectomy and walk away from my traditional career, I also had my beautiful pup die unexpectedly in my arms, almost got plowed down by a drunk driver in NYC, had my identity stolen and most recently fainted and ended up in the ER.

I have never been happier in my life.

I have read dozens of books. I am leaning into my green thumb and my plants energize me. I am restoring old furniture. I am being purposeful about connecting with friends and family.

On one hand it is absolutely freeing. On the other, it is scary.

Most people reading this will understand. Imagine. Imagine working your whole life to build something, each day moving what seems like 100mph, only to abruptly have it all stop. One day, I was receiving 100s of emails and calls per day, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, waking up with night terrors and then it all stopped. Imagine that.

I have been out of the “race” since January and I realized this is the first time in my life I have no one waiting for me to perform or produce. I worked for more than 30 years and the choice to walk away was not a choice, it was critical for my health – physical and mental. So, while I am happier than I have ever been, no longer having a “role” has created self-doubt, the feeling of being an imposter and the feeling of not being needed.

At the same time, I speak to my mentees, former colleagues and even those whom I look up to and I realize that they are living what I once lived.  They are stressed, they are sleepless and they are burnt out. I have realized that how I lived and worked before cannot and should not continue. Not for me and not for anyone.

I have been through so much this past year and I was recently speaking to the amazing Arin Reeves, who pointed out that perhaps the world was trying to tell me something. Perhaps I need this break to reflect and heal.

And then I think about the others who are on a similar path and who are not fortunate to have life altering choices to make that force them to look at their paths and make changes for their happiness.

So, as I reflect on my past year, and my past 30 years, I refuse to feel like an imposter for changing the way I live and work. Instead, I choose happiness.

If my story at all resonates with you, I hope you will consider changing your path and choose happiness. And, I hope you will get in touch.